Hey Battlefield fans, I have an amazing story to tell you: last night DICE told me that Battlefield 3 would be fre - wait, did you see that? I'm sure I saw that glass of water ripple ominously. Anyway, Battlef - it did it again! How curious: every time that dull thump happens the water in that cup goes - Jeff Goldblum just ran past holding a flare! What is going on? Why are these dinosaur tropes ending up in my story about Battlefield 3 going... ARRRGH! RUN!
Would you like dinosaurs in your Battlefield 3? DICE have been awful teases about this.
Some background: last year an Activision rep asked the 4Chan what they'd like to see in the Modern Warfare series. 4Chan's response: dinosaurs. DICE, being the cheeky rivals that they are, took note and snuck tiny dinos in their BF3 maps, and one of the game's designers teased with the image above. And last night on Twitter came the latest cruel dangling of a dino dalliance:
We've been thinking about this a lot. Dinosaurs in Battlefield 3 can happen - and we know exactly how.
Dinosaurs as Vehicles
If you consider the fiction, Russia are the most likely candidates for carelessly unleashing dinosaurs on the world, but in the asymmetric world of Battlefield 3 it wouldn't make sense to give one side the dinosaurs and another side tanks. So, why not give each side dinosaurs to ride into battle. Imagine... Wake Island, the two sides are battling each other in the same, eternal battle they've always been. Except on dinosaurs. Simply swap the jets for Pterodactyls, and the tanks for T-Rexes. It may well change the nature of the battle (dinosaurs are melee only), and yes there wouldn't be much that tactics involved. And we absolutely understand that T-Rexes are taller than tanks, so unless the levels are specifically tailored to allowing you to sneak up on someone while riding a giant lizard, this is more of a raw battle of claws and guns. Still. It could work. But there's a better option.
Dinosaurs vs Players
There's probably bigger potential in the West vs East abandoning their cultural prejudices and joining together to fight off the dinosaur menace. As Jurassic Park's Dr. Alan Grant put it: "dinosaurs and man, two species separated by 65 million years of evolution have just been suddenly thrown back into the mix together. How can we have the slightest idea of what to expect?"
Easy answer: Dinos vs People co-operative hoard mode. Like zombies, but better, because it has dinosaurs.
Velociraptors are tossed at players in increasing numbers and size. You could launch air strikes at T-Rexes, spot Raptor's sprinting towards you, set up a perimeter of tanks around a control point beset by, er, diplodocuses? And at the centre, just like in Sarah Palin's imagination, dinosaur and Man locked in an eternal struggle. Or, we could go one better.
Dinos vs Dinos
Like chaos theory starting off a reaction halfway around the world, I'm hoping that this post somehow creates a ripple that ends up with no humans at all on the Battlefield. Screw humans versus dinosaurs. Why not all dinosaurs, all the time?
a) it settles all arguments about weapon balance: with their tiny arms, no dinosaur could hold them.
b) dinosaurs in planes are funny.