Batter’s helmet. Soldier’s stash, Pyro’s beanie. Demoman’s ‘fro. Football helmet. Mining light. Prussian pickelhaube. Trophy Belt. Fancy Fedora.
If the hats whose names I’ve read out could please step forward, I’d be very grateful.
None of you have a part to play in TF2’s brightly-coloured future. I’m sorry.
“Bidwell was taking stock of some of our older merchandise this week and found out some idiot’s been using one of our warehouses to store pallets of spoiled mayonnaise,” reads a missive from Saxton Hale on the TF2 blog.
“Raccoons all over the place. Fancy Fedoras, Prussian Pickelhaubes, Football Helmets – these items were part of Mann Co. history. Some of them were the first items we ever shipped. They deserved a better end than rotting in a puddle of rotten condiments and raccoon poop, let me tell you.”
All nine hats in the firing line will be on sale in the Mann Co. Store for the next two weeks, during which time you’ll be able to purchase and craft them. After that, they’ll be blinked out of existence, gone from the game forever.
Unless, of course, you happen to own one already. Or have access to an old crate with a chance of dropping them. Or acquire one via trading.
But the point is this: nine TF2 items are about to get significantly rarer. And what happens to rare items? They increase in value. We’ll be keeping a bloodshot daytime TV eye on Antique’s Roadshow in the coming weeks.