Battlefield 3: Armored Kill is a month away and we’ve still only had the barest of glimpses of the new maps in action. Maps which are larger than any other Battlefield release so far; maps which will push us back into the driver’s seat of some of the meatiest machines on the PC; and maps which are looking so very pretty.
So a seven minute video of the game in action should be something to get excited about, right? Well yes, if all we needed were shapes and colours (man, I love shapes and colours) but we need words too, and the darn thing’s in French. Never fear, according to my university elective in Beginner’s French, I speak it at a 2:1 level. Even if I did get through my speaking exam without using any verbs.
The video was picked up byVG24/7 but they didn’t feel it necessary to go the extra mile and provide an accurate translation. That’s cool, we’ll go that distance, for you.
Narrator: Peggy says.
Woman 1: I love Battlefield 3, Terry.
Woman 2: Cologne is the village of joy in the lake that is Gamescom…Again! Hello, Cologne is the[something about Los Angeles?] The street to the right leads to town hall.Something, something,Battlefield TV live for the Summer.
Narrator: Here we are atGamescom. To speak withDaniel Matros, leader of communities maker of dice. We will talk to the maps and [ponder the tanks?]We approached the Battlefield screen but were afraid of the giant plus sign.Time will tell. Time won’t tell. Something Armored Kill, something Gamescom.
Woman 2: Here I speak to you from a crowd of teenagers. They are fresh from their DICE community manager exams. But now I will speak to the man behind the selection process.
[At this point the video switches to English and I thinkthe French text explains the process of how DICE community managers are selected.]
Text: A team from EA keep logs of all the children entering orphanages, they are tested – both physically and mentally – and then, when they reach the age of eight[?], the best of them are taken to work in the DICE gunship. Those that don’t make the test are ground into a nutritious paste. The happy crowd you saw earlier were this years P-class students. They will each be given a certificate and then be led to the EA paste-inator.
[When Matros is asked to address the French Battlefield 3 community, he simply says this.]
Daniel Matros: I salute those who were not successful. It is by their sacrifice that I shall remain fit and strong for another year.
Woman 2: So there we have it, Battlefield 3 is developed by a team fed on a paste made of children.
At this point the language breaks down into something that sounds like French but it’s certainly no words I recognise. Is there a coded message here? Most likely. I’ll put at least three of our interns on the task. They’re a truly powerful force to contend with, I’ve had them on the JFK assassination for a week now and when I last went into their office they just had a corkboard with a picture of your face on it with the word ‘Them’ written in red felt tip pen on the photo.
…
This next video is exceptional amongst the other footage we’ve seen so far. It’s showing off primarily night time gameplay, something I’ve been wanting to get my teeth into since I unlocked my first IR scope. Dimming the lights does more than just make us lean in close to the screen, it should make for some incisive infantry tactics. With the level size increasing, now more than ever, well-managed infantry squads are going to be vital. One squad, well inserted, could take a couple of flags right from under the other team’s noses.
Check it out for yourself:
As I said up top, the focus of this DLC -getting players back into vehicles -is making Armored Kill such an exciting prospect: large open plains to race across in the APCs and light tanks, all under the watchful eyes of the tank destroyers. It’s going to make for some brutal battles.
I can’t wait.