Machine of War: The heart-warming adventures of John Rambo

Rambo: The Video Game trailer

John Rambo is a machine. A killing machine. Like a gun, but with a muscular, sweaty bag of meat attatched to it. And, oh dear, somebody has only gone and switched him on… and they can’t turn him off. Rambo: The Video Game follows the eponymous scowling soldier through First Blood, First Blood Part II and Rambo III, as John tries to become a real boy. 

The new trailer makes me think that’s he’s certainly progressing, no longer looking like he’s been dipped in a tub of lubricant like last time. However, he’s definitely struggling with basic human facial expressions and traditional greetings, which he has replaced with stabbing people in the throat. 

With stealth, shooting, QTEs and mountain climbing, it sounds a wee bit like Tomb Raider. It doesn’t look like Tomb Raider, of course, but may appeal to those who prefer their protagonists shirtless and unable to construct sentences. Also, there’s the hair. That glorious mane is calling to me, along with all the other things we left behind in the ’80s.