Rating Ryder’s romping: Simon Miller reviews all the sex in Mass Effect: Andromeda

mass effect Andromeda sex

We’re unsure if anyone else has picked up on this particular facet of the Mass Effect franchise, but good golly gosh there’s a lot of rogering in those games, and Bioware’s latest is no different. In fact, it might just be the dirtiest of the lot. To find out exactly how insidious, seedy and uncomfortable Andromeda’s presentation of sex is we drafted in master of the wide-grip pulldown (which we understand is an exercise for strengthening one’s latissimus dorsi muscles) and noted nerd basher, Simon Miller.

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Zero-gravity sex, awkward sex, terrifying sex, poor sexual etiquette, sex with aliens, Scottish sex, sex with a pair of underdeveloped pectorals we’re tentatively calling Scott Ryder, sex with a bicycle helmet, sex at first sight, sex in the Phantom Zone – that’s right, Miller really is reviewing all the different types of sex in Mass Effect: Andromeda. Why? We’re not entirely sure, but it’s got something to do with his ongoing attempt to persuade the world that Gears of War is the better of the two franchises. More on that here.

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