Ever thought, ‘Goodness me, of all the things going on in the world at any given moment, having some kind of easy way to look back through all of the April Fools gags that PCGamesN has done over the years sure is at the very top of my list of priorities right now’? You have? Well, us too! We’re so alike, bless.
Luckily, since we are the PCGamesN team, we hold – for better or worse – the keys to the website’s CMS, along with the questionable authority to make real any fleeting idea that drifts into our heads. And we’ve chosen to wield that power responsibly by concocting the very thing you are reading right now.
No, no, there’s no need to thank us – not all heroes wear spandex (the fact that we’re dressed this way is just an unfortunate coincidence). Let’s just get into it, shall we? Below you’ll find a confection of stupidity dating all the way back to 2017. There’s Dota III (an Epic Store exclusive, of course), George RR Martin’s struggles with Margit, a sickening CS:GO VR mode, and much more besides. Sure, some of the references may have dated badly at this point, but when has something as trivial as that ever got in the way of a good list feature?
We’re already working on next year’s April Fools stories (writing’s hard and takes ages), so we’ll see you here next April 2 when you come rushing back to once again bask in the droll nostalgia we insist on peddling.
Dead Space Remake remake confirmed for 2024
After the smashing success of Dead Space Remake, EA and Motive have officially confirmed a remake of the remake, set to launch in 2024. Horror game fans have already been treated this year thanks to Resident Evil 4 Remake and the pending Silent Hill 2 Remake, with announcements also expected regarding a remake of Bethesda’s upcoming Starfield as well as Diablo 4 Remake, which is expected to launch May 30, just ahead of Blizzard’s Diablo 4. Read more.
Streamer completes Resident Evil 4 Remake using a real chainsaw
A Resident Evil 4 Remake Twitch streamer has ditched conventional PC gamepads for a real chainsaw controller, and they even managed to 100% the game’s campaign. No one was hurt throughout the 30-hour play-through, but neighbours have raised noise complaints to the local council. “Once you get past the exhaust fumes, it’s actually not that bad,” Stottybairn told PCGamesN in an intense interview. Read more.
Elden Ring 2 delayed until George RR Martin beats Margit
Bad news if you’ve already beaten the latest FromSoftware hit: Elden Ring 2 has been delayed. “We wanted to start work on Elden Ring 2 as soon as development on the first game concluded,” director Hidetaka Miyazaki tells us in an exclusive interview. “However, Mr [George RR] Martin won’t agree to a meeting until he beats Margit, the Fell Omen. Every time we reach out, he tells us that we must ‘put our foolish ambitions to rest.’” Read more.
Nvidia GeForce RTX 4090 Ti will need a wind farm for power
The Nvidia GeForce RTX 4090 Ti will undoubtedly rank among the best graphics cards, but it could be set to blow away the competition in more ways than one. While the majority of the RTX 4000 flagship’s specs remain up in the air, one report suggests that the GPU is so power-hungry that it will need a wind farm for power. Read more.
Elden Ring revealed to be a Reddit-based social experiment
The internet gaming community has eagerly devoured every bit of Elden Ring news since its announcement at E3 in 2019, but information has been spotty – at best – since then. It’s now come to light that Elden Ring is not actually a game at all, but a social psychology experiment run by a task force consisting of several government agencies and HBO showrunners. Read more.
Crypto miner astonished that Nvidia RTX 3080 “plays games, too”
It might seem like common knowledge that the finest graphics cards can help boost fps, increase your resolution, and bump up the settings of your favourite games, but the promise of cryptocurrency-shaped riches has the winner of an RTX 3080 raffle oblivious to his GPU’s original purpose. Read more.
The Last of Us 2 confirmed for PC “just to piss off PlayStation fans”
Hermen Hulst, boss of PlayStation Worldwide Studios since Shaun Layden’s departure last year, says in a press release that: “The time has come to end console exclusivity. In no other medium does this happen – it’s not like you can only listen to Rammstein on a Samsung phone and Bieber on an Apple phone, and yet bizarrely, that’s how it is in our industry. (Obviously PlayStation is Samsung – the one with the good content – in this analogy.) Read more.
Valve unveils controversial new VR mode for CS:GO
“One of the challenges we faced when developing CS:GO VR was the movement. When I first loaded into Dust 2 in VR I instinctively tried to crabwalk, fell over and hit my head on a large orange box. A lot of our creative decisions from that point onward can be traced back to that moment.” Read more.
Dota 3 is, unbelievably, the latest Epic Games Store exclusive
The former Valve Software-turned-Epic Games development team suggested that one of the reasons they were willing to strike an exclusivity arrangement was “because we get a lot more money out of it.” Read more.
Respawn is “disappointed” that Apex Legends fans aren’t as horny as Overwatch’s
“Our audience has delivered in nearly every way,” Zampella said. “They’re dedicated. They’re intelligent. They’re giving us great feedback. I just wish they would hurry up and draw Lifeline and Mirage doing it, or something.
“The Overwatch community is crazy horny. Just so, incredibly horny. All I’m saying is that it would make all of us here at Respawn feel appreciated if we could see some fan art of Pathfinder railing another Pathfinder on a couch.” After a brief, uncomfortable pause, he added: “Just brainstorming here…” Read more.
Bandwagons ahoy: Creative Assembly announces Total War: Battle Royale
“Crafting, survival elements, moddable hats, historically accurate corpse-hump anims… It’s what Total War’s been crying out for”, frothed Al Bickham, development communications manager. “It’s beyond epic. And loot crates, oodles of loot crates. All the loot crates. People love loot crates right? No? No, okay I’ve just been told we’re not doing loot crates. Definitely not doing loot crates. But hats for sure. And corpse humping. In your face, Marc Antony!” Read more.
Dark Souls 3 player speedruns their own life, dies
“Shelton impressed us all with his use of the Vilhelm Skip and the Crow Quills glitch on his previous record,” enthused an excited redditor. “But he’s really taking things to the next level here. He completely bypassed years 43-51, and he developed liver failure 20 years ahead of schedule. I’ve been going over the replays in slow-motion and I still can’t believe it. I don’t think he was 78 for more than half a second.” Read more.
Nvidia and AMD come clean: “We make one graphics card and then just paint it red or green”
PC gaming sites like PCGamesN have spent the day opening up their PCs and inspecting the graphics cards closely, scraping away the thin layer of paint and swearing quietly under their breath. Games publishers have reacted by abolishing their required hardware specifications, replacing the graphics card section of the listing with “whatever’. Read more.
Mass Effect: Andromeda animation lead confesses: “This one does not understand your human mouths”
Andromeda has been under fire even before it launched, with reviewers describing the persistent animation bugs as “terrifying” and “a perfect heir to the cosmic horror of the Reapers”. BioWare has been reluctant to speak out about the issue, but pressure from fans has compelled the company to finally clear the air. Hovering gently next to the microphone at a press conference outside BioWare’s Montreal headquarters and reading from a pre-prepared statement clutched gently in its tentacles, animation lead Vynollendis flashed with bioluminescent regret as they delivered their message. Read more.