Using the self-service checkout, bashing the bishop, applying the handbrake, buffing the banana, cranking the shank, yanking the plank, whacking the weasel, roping the pope, jerking the gherkin. There are a bunch of euphemisms for masturbation and every single one of them is hilarious, but, funnily enough, there just aren’t many videogames about fondling oneself.
Check our list of the best sex games for more stuff that’s uncomfortable when your nan is about.
Pixelbator aims to rectify this underserved genre, offering a VR environment, some virtual tissue, a pretend computer, and the threat of being caught by various family members and a dog. What even is 2017?
As you can see in the trailer above, it’s the most stupid thing in the world and its existence provides us with a temporary distraction from the abyss.
In-game, you’ll not only content with family members and pets trying to catch you rubbing one out, you’ll also have to deal with pop-ups (no, not that kind – but that too), spam, buffering, and video selection.
Pixelbator is on Steam Greenlight. If it ends up on Steam, file it under single-player.