Razer’s new gaming mouse looks like a Batmobile, will fit in any hand


Look at this mouse. It’s extendable. Perfect for anybody with a right hand that’s constantly changing size. Did I say right hand? I meant “arbitrary, non-exclusive hand”. That’s right, the Razer Ouroboros is ambidextrous. What does ‘ambidextrous’ mean? You haven’t inferred that from the last few sentences? It means it’ll work in either your right or left hand. Surely, this is the most egalitarian £114.99 mouse ever seen! What does ‘egalitarian’ mean? Who are you?

The Razer Ouroboros is a handsome mouse. It looks like something Christian Bale would drive, or something that a baby Robocop would hatch out of. It costs £114.99 and is powered by a single AAA battery, which provides up to 12 hours of pointing and clicking. Here are some more facts about the Ouroboros mouse that you might like to know:

  • It has an adjustable back arch toaccommodatethe steepness of your palm. Got a steep palm? Relax dude, Razer have you got you covered
  • It can be lengthened or shortened by up to 20mm (that’s almost a full inch) toaccommodatethe size of your giant hand
  • Side panels?
  • It has an 8,200DPI 4G Dual Sensor System which delivers “exceptional tracking” by using two different colours of laser (red and blue).

Now here’s a picture of the mouse I use, next to a sponge. It’s an ‘M-UVDEL1’, and it came with the Dell PC my mam bought for me about seven years ago. It’s a nice mouse.

As you can see, the Dell logo has worn off thanks to years of contact with my acrid, swampypalm, but it’s a hardy mouse, a stoic and loyal mouse. A modest mouse. Like the band! But how does it compare to Razer’s “effort”?

  • Uniformly curved in a manner that is geometrically pleasing. Cannot be adjusted because there’s no such thing as a steep palm
  • Defiantin length. Is so confident in its default length that itdoes not require or even allowany adjustments
  • Has sides
  • There’s a single red laser coming out of the bottom that probably has some DPI inside it? Difficult to tell without staring directlyinto it

If you’re yet to be convinced of the virtues of a mouse that changes size and shape, here’s an announcement trailer for the Razer Ouroboros £114.99 ambidextrous supermouse. (Note: I couldn’t find any such trailer marking the announcement of theM-UVDEL1.)