Scream Fortress is alive; “These updates will kill you – GUARANTEED!”


I don’t know what to tell you. You came to this place looking for Team Fortress 2 news, but there ain’t no Team Fortress 2 here and there never was. I suppose the least I can do is point you in the direction of Scream Fortress 2, the multiplayer frightfully piercing screecher. It’s played up at yonder Helltower where, fleeing players have told, forbidden magic is flung freely, and payloads of terror are delivered directly to the faces of all.

Helltower is the name of this year’s Scream Fortress map. It’s a Payload Race variation, with one notable wild card in play – the fact that every player is a mighty mage. You’ll find yourself gifted a copy of Spellbook Magazine, which must be equipped in the Action Slot if you’re to pick up and cast spells.

Spells can be stumbled upon when pushing the cart, killing enemies, or during the Witching hour – when you’ll also find particularly powerful magic in the Clocktower.

“The team that wins the race will be granted a buff for the final climactic battle, where you will fight for the ultimate Halloween reward,” warn Valve. “Your own lives. And a reward.”

You’ll be fighting to “help settle the score in one of the longest running feuds in Mann history” – that of quarrelsome brothers Redmond and Blutarch, whose wibbling rivalry has continued unabated even in death. In one of their name’s, you’ll push a corpse-filled cart through a “magic-blasted, skeleton-infested terrorscape” and tip the contents into a waiting Hellmouth. All for eight new achievements. Sorry –bereavements. *Thunder ensues*

Throughout the next week and a half, there’s a chance of dropping a Spooky Crate or Spooky Key – you’ll find both separately in the Mann co. Store. Spooky Unusual Effects can now be found in Supply Crates, and class Transmogrifiers will allow players to convert Scream Fortress items of one type to another. What’s more, if you’re looking to dress up, you’ll find more than 100 new Halloween tagged items in the TF2 Steam Workshop.

Scream Fortress 2013 will run until November 11, and Halloween event maps will be available in quick play for the duration. Check the full changelog for miscellaneous tweaks and fixes. See anything on there that might be considered remotely important? Let us know in the comments.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m contractually obliged to fearfully slam these shutters closed in your face. Mind your fingers, and good day.