The April Fools WoW Dragonflight patch notes are here, and Blizzard has kept up its usual impeccable standard of ripping into itself and its own game with plenty of funny in-jokes and novelty ‘additions’ to its long-running MMORPG. In-keeping with the traditional yearly spirit of silliness, this year’s patch notes include a Top Gun raid, a dungeon that randomly swaps characters, and all-new World of Warcraft dual classes.
WoW patch 10.10, which the team calls “Ten Fast Ten Spurious,” wastes no time letting you know it’s not being serious – but WoW fans will absolutely want to read these patch notes in full, because they’re packed from top to bottom with some delightful nonsense. Up-front is the new raid, Drop Zone Maverick – a fully airborne raid. “Yes, you read that correctly,” Blizzard proclaims, “It’s finally time to spend an entire raid Dragonriding.”
There are two new dungeons described. The first, named Meta-Dungeons, are WoW’s “first arbitrarily restricted content” and may only be run by “the top eight specs in the game (as decided by random players running an addon).” The second, Severed Instance Dungeons, hand your character over to another player for the entirety of the dungeon. Actually, I quite like the sound of that one – I’d genuinely be up for giving that a shot.
There’s a new ‘Food Reactionary’ class that requires you to earn “updoots” on your culinary livestreams, while Blizzard also notes that “In the PTR, data miners will see some evidence of upcoming content: dual classes.” These include the Paladin and Death Knight combo ‘Judge Dead’ and the Priest and Rogue duo, titled ‘Holy Smokes.’
World of Warcraft ‘patch notes’ – April Fools
Here are the full, fictional WoW 10.10 patch notes, courtesy of Blizzard:
New raid: Drop Zone Maverick
It’s finally time to spend an entire raid Dragonriding. Yes, you read that correctly. Every centimeter of this raid zone is high in the air, and you’ve been called to come out of near retirement for one last mission in the sky. Take on dangerous enemies who aren’t ever really named or described, and if they shoot you down, just steal one of their dragons and keep going. Because you’re just that good!
New dungeon type: Meta-Dungeons
Introducing our very first arbitrarily restricted content! Only available to the top 8 specs in the game (as decided by random players running an addon), you’ll thrill to be lovingly guided by a completely silent group leader with an itchy kick-finger and a maniacal dedication to push-push-push like an obstetrician who has a plane to catch.
New dungeon type: Severed Instances
When you enter a Severed Instance Dungeon, another player takes over playing your character for the entirety of the dungeon, and you have no idea what they’re doing in there. When they’re done, you get your character back. Why do you have that scratch on your face now? Good luck figuring it out!
New class: Food Reactionary
All races can now choose to be the new Food Reactionary class—a very common player you’re going to see everywhere you look. Food Reactionaries come in two specializations:
- Cooktalkers, who watch food being made, and then react. Hopefully with lots of puns and wordplay. “More like ‘Hurricane Tortilla.’”
- Chewtalkers, who taste food that’s surely cold by now, and then react. Hopefully with lots of groans and facial expressions. “I give it an 8.5 out of 10.”
Both Food Reactionary specs start out at level 1 without the ability to “go live” until they somehow convince 500 people to updoot their reactions. For some players, this will happen mysteriously fast, and for others, it will take months of grinding. Please do not lose sleep over this. We don’t have any control over the algorithm anymore.
- The Swift Retribution talent no longer gives attack speed in PvP. Now when you kill another player, Swift Retribution causes your character to announce: “I’m the problem; it’s me”.
- The player with the most gold is now required to purchase and operate General Chat.
- Birb mounts can now talk, so you should mind what you say in front of them, and you should probably start wearing headphones when you watch TV.
- All elf races are now eligible for the ‘Cotton-headed Ninny Muggins’ title.
- Fixed a bug that prevented the Gnome and Goblin starting experiences from being short enough.
- Fixed yet another bug with self-driving Dragons mysteriously crashing into clearly visible obstacles. This should really be the last one.
- Solo players are now provided with gold, a long stick, and access to an exclusive in-game florist so that you can buy yourself flowers and write your name in the sand.
- In the PTR for this patch, dataminers will see some evidence of upcoming content: Dual Classes. The working titles for our first few Dual Classes are:
- Paladin+Rogue – Blessing in Disguise
- Shaman+Rogue – Element of Surprise
- Warrior+Mage – Heroic Sheep
- Paladin+Death Knight – Judge Dead
- Druid+Hunter – Tame Yourself
- Monk+Druid – Fists of Furry
- Priest+Rogue – Holy Smokes
- Tik Tok integration now automatically posts a video whenever your character falls from a lethal height, and those are going to get more views for you than any video of you talking, by a huge margin.
- When doing the Community Feast in Azure Span, player-characters will now automatically respond to requests with “Yes, chef!” and yell “Corner!” and “Behind!” when walking behind another player.
- Developers’ notes: We kindly request that players stop asking us why there’s treasure hidden in the soup containers. We don’t know why. It really didn’t make sense.
- New ability: Dead Lasso – Death Knights who activate their inner Dead Lasso quickly overcome a modest amount of adversity to find unbelievable success by grouping up with others.
- Dark Command is now 30% darker. To compensate, Dark Command is now more of a suggestion.
- Improved Death Strike has been replaced by an identical talent called New and Improved Death Strike. You’ll love it!
- Relish in Blood can now be supplemented by selecting Mustard in Blood.
- Icebreaker is now 10% more effective at dinner parties.
- Breath of Sindragosa is now 15% mintier.
- Blur is now known for something other than Song 2.
- To reduce the total size of game files, Will of the Illidari has been renamed Willidari.
- Misery in Defeat can now also proc Misery in De Hands.
- Thick Skin now allows you to withstand 20% more time on social media.
- Pursuit is now 10% less trivial.
- Spirit Bomb has been renamed Glitter Bomb and is now 150% more effective against package thieves.
- Vulnerability is now 50% more effective in building a lasting relationship.
- Barkskin is now worse than Biteskin.
- Dash can now be used to hyphenate two words together.
- Swipe can now be used Left or Right, depending on how attracted the player is to the target.
- Sudden Ambush is now 10% less redundant.
- Cat’s Curiosity is now fatal, as intended.
- All abilities are now 10% more dragon-y.Wing Buffet is now all-you-can-eat. Please note that Evokers will be asked to kindly depart after 90 minutes.
- Tyranny now applies taxation to the target without representation.
- Graceful Stride is now 30% less likely to be broken. Nobody’s gonna slow you down. Oh no! You’ve got to keep on movin’.
- Fixed a bug preventing Return from starting a new line of text, as intended.
- Fixed a crash caused by Eternity Surge going on forever. Sheesh.
- Survival has been redesigned to use only offhand weapons.
- Call Pet has been redesigned to keep up with the times and has been renamed Text Pet.
- Misdirection now increases the success rate of magic tricks by 50%.
- Camouflage is no longer visible in the Talent Tree.
- Bullseye is now only available to Tauren Hunters.
- The Ruthless Marauder talent is now available to characters named Ruth.
- Blink now has 182 charges.
- Overflowing Energy will now be stored in a sippy cup.
- Shimmer has been renamed to Shimmer Shimmer Ya Shimmer Yam Shimmer Yay.
- Evocation has been moved to the Evoker class to prevent confusion.
- Remove Curse no longer removes curses.
- Removed the word “remove” from Remove Curse; it is now called Curse.
- Curse removed.
- Fixed a bug where the Monk could work out all day every day and become so powerful that they defeat all enemies with just one punch.
- Leg Sweep has been improved and is now called Leg Swiffer.
- Dampen Harm has been renamed Moisten Harm.
- Monks who complain about their secondary resource can now earn the new Achievement “Enjoy Some Whine with Your Chi”.
- Essence Font is now available in Times New Roman.
- Word of Glory has been replaced by a new ability called Excel of Glory.
- Judgment is now 20% less judgmental.Cleanse now also exfoliates.
- The Blinding Light talent has now been revved up like a deuce, a holy roller in the night.
- The Seasoned Warhorse talent is now available in chipotle and cool ranch horse flavors.
- Art of War has grown up so much and would prefer to be called Arthur.
- Execution Sentence has been identified as a run-on sentence and will be split into two separate abilities once developers can establish a new predicate.
- Power Infusion now auto-targets the player in your group who sent you the most gold before raid. You’re welcome.
- Levitate is now 20% more annoying when cast on party members randomly.
- New ability: Holy Word: Schnikes – Call upon the power of road trips to save Callahan Auto.
- Answered Prayers has been updated so that it now sometimes gives you money, since that’s all you ever seem to ask for anyway.
- Gnome priests who choose to both heal and deal damage are now known as Compact Discs.
- All boots that rogues can equip are now called sneakers.
- Audacity now causes you to confidently comment on posts that are far outside of your field of understanding.
- Sprint has been moved far away from Marathon on the talent tree, and requires much less carb loading.
- The cost of Cheap Shot has been increased, due to inflation.The Assassination specialization has been renamed Combat.
- Roll the Bones now uses 20 sided dice.
- Pick Pocket is now 50% less effective as very few mobs carry cash anymore.
- Bloodlust can no longer be cast when the raid leader calls for Heroism.
- Liquid Magma Totem must now be read aloud in the voice of Dr. Evil.
- The Enhancement specialization has been enhanced and should no longer be referred to as merely hanced.
- Far Sight can now be corrected with bifocals.
- The Restoration specialization has been watered down.
- No changes necessary; possibly forever.
- Hamstring now can now be selected as a vegan option called Impossible Hamstring.
- The Frothing Berserker talent is now 30% more frothy.
- The Titanic Rage talent can now be used near, far, or wherever you are.
- Intimidating Shout can no longer be used by Gnomes.
- Demoralizing Shout now utilizes those backhanded compliments you hate.
New profession: Weaving
By popular demand, we’re adding a new profession to WoW Classic. Weavers can level up through many original classic skills such as clamweaving and bearweaving to unlock powerful new abilities such as:
At max level, Weaving becomes the only thing you do in combat. Please see the WoW Classic subreddit for further instructions.
If you’re not joking about your play, make sure you’re using the best WoW addons to get the most from your game. Take a look at our WoW Dragonflight tier list to see who’s looking strongest right now, or check out more of the best fantasy games on PC to discover something new.