Dino survival sim ARK is 50% off on Steam and free for the weekend – try before you di…no

Ark

If you like punching trees, taming dinosaurs and shitting in a stranger’s house, ARK: Survival Evolved is free for the weekend on Steam. 

Be as free as a caveman in our list of the best sandbox games.

Of all the Early Access survival sims, ARK is my favourite. Not only is there some substance there, but you can also take a dump in a stranger’s house by accident, colouring their opinion of you forever. This exact thing happened to me, you see. Nobody taught me caveman etiquette, so there I was, flailing at my keyboard – just like when I write – and a little brown parcel slid out of my pooper.

It’s an unforgettable gaming moment. Amazingly, it happened just as I met my first conscious player. What a time to find out the game had a poop button. What a time to be alive.

There was an unconscious guy further down the beach. That’s what happens when you log out – your character just goes to sleep. I dragged him into the sea. Yet here I was feeling sorry for the guy whose house I just shat in. We could have been friends, but I betrayed his trust by leaving a colon cannonball right there on his decking. I bet he punched so many trees for that decking.

Anyway, I feel like I’m getting a bit sidetracked here. ARK is free on Steam for the weekend and it’s 50% off if you find yourself liking it. It also has dinosaurs in it, I suppose. And giant beavers.