14 October. That’s the one piece of information I have for this post and I put it in the headline. As clickbaiting goes, clearly I have a lot to learn.
What I should have done is run with “Batman: Arkham Knight release date announced”. Then I should have a paragraph talking about how Arkham Knight sees the return of Rocksteady to the Batman: Arkham franchise, following the interregnum of Warner Bros. Montreal and their game Arkham Origins. That this game looks like a solid return to form for the series and that till now we only knew that the game was due for release in 2014, teasing the fact I knew what the actual date was and that I’d only tell you after the break.
I’ve not done that. I’ve put it in the headline, it’s the 14 October. Now, are you interested to see what I’ve put below the break?
I’ve collected together some of the best reviews of Veet Hair Removal Creme.
Leading the charge we have Andrew’s five star review, ‘DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS’:
“Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don’t have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.
“(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)”
Next is The Cantakerous Tiger with ‘LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION’:
“I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman’s log cabin, so for the past few years I’ve used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I’m sure you’ve realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.
“Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I’m going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
“Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.
“However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I’ve spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman’s arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn’t even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it’s only because I wanted children.
“Pros: A small expense, certainly didn’t burn a hole in my pocket.
“Cons: Did burn a hole in my scrotum
“All in all an effective and reasonably priced product – 3 Stars.”
And finally, a ringing endorsement from a Mr. H. A. Outhwaite, ‘Good results at first interrogation’:
“Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.”
As I said in the lead-in, Batman: Arkham Knight is due out on 14 October. You can read more about the game on its newly published Steam Page. There’s also preorder details in this promo image. Veet Hair Removal Creme can be bought from all good pharmacists.