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Spotlight on Greenlight: Mount Your Friends


Welcome once again to PCGamesN’s Spotlight on Greenlight, our regular Saturday feature where we look at the best and the most interesting Greenlight games that are hoping to make their way onto Steam. We’ve already looked at dozens of other titles in weeks past, so do take a look at our back catalogue.

If you can honestly say that you’ve never wanted to climb a tower constructed of scantily clad gentleman while trying not to be distracted by a ragdoll physics-infused swinging cock bulge then Mount Your Friends may not be for you.

Still here? Good. I knew I could count on your love of the bulge.

The aim of Mount Your Friends is simple, you take it in turns to climb to the top of the tower before the clock runs out. If you manage it then your character locks into place and control passes to the next player who must now climb to the summit (which is now that little bit taller). If a player doesn’t get to the top in the time limit then they’re eliminated, last player left is the winner.

Oh yes, and I can’t stress this enough, the tower is made entirely of nearly naked people athletes.

The game begins with an empty field. Well, almost. There’s a goat that serves as the tower’s foundation, naturally. The first player mounts the goat and, from there, it’s off to the races.

As you can see, each climber is sporting a fetching banana hammock, and comes with a generously-sized member, the motion of which is modelled with the latest ragdoll physics simulation technology. To some this may seem like an immature feature but for everyone else it’s fine giggle-fodder.

If that’s a little rich for your taste, or you live in a particularly illiberal work environment where the sight of oiled muscular bodies forming a towering structure may attract unwanted attention, you can always opt for the safe for work mode:

Each climber is wonderfully customisable, too. Sunglasses, glitter coats, ball gags and chains, it’s anything goes with Mount Your Friends:

It’s not all silly willies and goats, though. The QWOP-like movement system – where you control each separate limb of your climber and must haphazardly navigate the tower of flesh with this inaccurate method of swinging and gripping – will create real challenge, particularly when under the pressure of a count down. It’s this, more than the look of the game, which will keep it fun to play. Multiplayer matches should have you crying with laughter by the end.

Should Mount Your Friends come to Steam, developer Stegersaurus has a list of new features s/he plans to add to the game – an origin story for your climber that’s exposed through a singleplayer campaign; simultaneous multiplayer that lets the men in the tower fight one another with swords; and dynamic weather (it’s unclear what effect a blizzard would have on the exposed penises).

We need to get this game through Greenlight, simply because Steam has far too few bulging penises. You can help it along by voting for Mount Your Friends over here.