Pre-purchasing Bioshock Infinite unlocks exclusive and very silly TF2 items


Valve are offering a selection of exclusive Team Fortress 2 items to gamers who pre-order Bioshock Infinite through Steam. They’re featured as the second part of a three-tiered reward system and only unlocked when enough pre-orders are made. Still, since buyers are already 93% of the way to unlocking it, I think it’s a safe bet that we’ll be seeing these items soon.

It’s a strange selection, typical of Team Fortress 2, and it includes a steel helmet, an anarchist’s mask and an “incontinent bird.” No, really.

Here’s the full list, taken from the pre-order page:

Blind Justice

  • Want to command respect from people standing at an indeterminate
    distance from your immediate right? Bolt on a platinum Pinkerton badge
    and experience the thrill for yourself!

The Doe-Boy

  • Protect the important thoughts in your head — ones like “liberty”
    and “freedom” and “democracy” — with good, honest, hat-shaped American
    steel. This helmet won’t run (until heated to 2500°F)!

The Person in the Iron Mask

  • Turkey? Chicken? Game hens? Your head? This cast iron poultry furnace will smoke anything placed inside it.

The Pounding Father

  • Heavy cannot tell lie. Heavy is first President of United States. Of crushing little baby men.

The Steel Songbird

  • It gets pretty quiet in that sniper’s nest. Why not treat yourself
    to the haunting rhythmic symphony of bolts being constantly pooped by
    this mute, easily terrified incontinent bird?

The Sydney Straw Boat

  • Throw this hat on the ground to express rage, or in the air to
    express joy! Take a hat-based trip through time to learn how your great
    grandparents displayed emotions in the days before emoticons!

Vox Diabolus

  • With this Vox Populi anarchist mask, you can terrify your enemies
    into thinking you’re the Devil Himself, or worse, a protestor. Either
    way, they’re probably going to avoid you at the entrance to the
    supermarket when you try to get them to sign something.

The first and third tiers on this list aren’t quite so silly. The first is a free copy of Bioshock, while the third is a free copy of XCOM: Enemy Unknown.