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Dota 2 patch notes outline 7.34 update, but it’s in emojis

The latest round of Dota 2 patch notes, update 7.34, are currently available in emoji form on Steam, and it's probably Valve's best patch notes ever.

Dota 2 patch notes outline 7.34 update, but it's in emojis: A small bipedal squirrel creature with a crossbow wearing a green hood jumps in the air ready to shoot on a sunny background

It’s no secret that Dota 2 is a pretty confusing game – as a League of Legends player, it’s LoL on steroids. If you thought the MOBA couldn’t get any more complex, though, Valve has released the latest round of Dota 2 patch notes in emoji form – yes, seriously, the 7.34 update is fully written in emojis.

Dota 2 patch notes are notoriously long, so to cut down on some of that reading Valve has written patch 7.34 in emojis. Yes, I am very, very serious.

In an August 8 Steam post entitled ‘Emojis in the Dark’ (is that a ‘Whispers in the Dark’ reference?) a mysterious sleuth known only as ‘E.W’ writes, “Hey, everyone. I don’t have much time. I snuck into Valve and managed to grab the complete patch notes for 7.34, and I’m posting them for everyone to read.” The plot thickens.

“But I think something went wrong with my copy-paste, because it’s all in emoticons. Anyway, so long as you can read emoji, you should be okay.” From here, the post descends into this ancient, long-forgotten tongue, indecipherable to anyone who doesn’t just spend all of their free time perusing Twitter. It’s like hieroglyphics, but colorful – what does it mean? 

A post from Valve about Dota 2 patch notes for the 7.34 update, but it's in emojis

Well, thankfully the devs have provided us with a translation. The first line, for example, actually reads “reworked captains mode draft order,” and now that I compare it with the emojis, it makes complete sense (I think).

The patch notes are pretty hefty, and can be found here in actual, y’know, writing. Highlights, for me, include the Muerta buffs, which give her an extra revenant if a hero dies within The Calling, which now requires less mana.

It’s worth looking through them to match the actual changes up with the emoticons, though, because some of the emojis representing different heroes and talents are amazing. Personal favorites include Hoodwink, who is literally a squirrel, and his ‘Scurry’ emojis, which are a squirrel with a wind trail behind it.

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As someone who sifts through screeds and screeds of patch notes for a living, this is both refreshing and genuinely very amusing. I love the creativity, and I’m excited by the energy Valve is bringing to Dota following the New Frontiers update. Dota is back.

If you’re planning to dive into the fray once more, we have a list of the best Dota 2 heroes for beginners to get you back on track. If you’re looking for something a little less competitive, we also have a list of the best free PC games for you to peruse at your leisure.