Local Dark Souls speedrunning champion Hugh Shelton is being hailed as a hero today after completing the most difficult speedrun of all: his own life. A victorious Shelton passed away today surrounded by family and friends, after successfully completing all 92 years of his life expectancy in just an incredible 21 years.
Reports indicate that a frowning, concentrating Shelton visibly aged in front of his loved ones — his skin sagging and wrinkling, his hair turning snowy white, and his eyes gleaming with decades of suddenly-acquired wisdom; before keeling over with a triumphant smile on his face.
A YouTube video showing highlights of Shelton’s speedrun, including his incredible final victory, has already hit the top of the Dark Souls III subreddit. Fellow Dark Souls players are calling it “inspirational” and “honestly, a little bit morbid”.
“Shelton impressed us all with his use of the Vilhelm Skip and the Crow Quills glitch on his previous record,” enthused an excited redditor. “But he’s really taking things to the next level here.”
“He completely bypassed years 43-51, and he developed liver failure 20 years ahead of schedule. I’ve been going over the replays in slow-motion and I still can’t believe it. I don’t think he was 78 for more than half a second.”
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Shelton appeared to have some brief trouble during his last breath grappling with what many speedrunners believe is the “final boss, that which awaits just beyond the tissue-thin veil of our own existence”, but didn’t let it stop him from setting an incredible record that others will struggle to beat.
Meanwhile, Shelton’s family are just happy that their son was able to achieve his lifelong dream.
“I’m so proud of what Hugh was able to accomplish,” his mother said, smiling through her tears. “We always knew all his hours spent dying over and over again in that videogame he loves would amount to something. Today they did, and I couldn’t be happier it turned out this way.”
“He died doing what he loved: dying.”