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Baldur’s Gate 3 sneaks X-rated surprise into its latest patch

Larian Studios has given Baldur’s Gate 3 a stealthy X-rated update with BG3 patch 5, and it’s had a dramatic impact on my multiplayer game.

Baldur's Gate 3 gets X-rated physics update in BG3 patch 5 - Astarion, a white-haired elven vampire spawn, grinning slightly.

Baldur’s Gate 3 patch 5 is absolutely massive, so it’s no surprise that we’re still discovering secrets. But along with its new ultra-hardcore difficulty setting, increased customization options, and the canonization of a beloved fan character, Larian Studios has included a sneaky, X-rated update for its award-winning Dungeons and Dragons RPG in BG3 patch 5 that has changed my game forever, and perhaps not in a way I’d have asked for.

It’s no surprise that Baldur’s Gate 3 goes all-in on nudity. One of the very first decisions it asks you to make is if you’re happy to see everything, in detail, when characters get their kit off. While it can be a bit of silly fun, it does also lend something to the roleplaying aspects, especially as you get involved in Baldur’s Gate 3 romance scenes. It’s that level of commitment to the form from Larian that makes Baldur’s Gate 3 one of the best RPG games we’ve seen in years. I’m not sure how I feel about this new addition, however.

Let’s not beat around the bush anymore; the long and the short of it is that Larian has added penis physics in Baldur’s Gate 3 patch 5. Which of course begs the question of why I’m so worried – after all, can’t I just ensure that all my characters are appropriately dressed? Well, dear reader, since not long after launch I’ve been joined by three of my best pals on a four-player multiplayer game of BG3, and it’s been perhaps my favorite thing I’ve done all year.

The problem here is Chad. Chad is the creation of a dear friend of mine (and our game’s host), and he’s a proud human Paladin. Perhaps too proud, as it turns out, because, while Chad is an incredibly competent companion that anyone would want by their side in a fight, he has a distressing tendency to strip absolutely all his gear off the moment we arrive back in camp. I suppose it probably gets pretty stuffy in all that armor.

Baldur's Gate 3 gets X-rated physics update in BG3 patch 5 - Chad, a human paladin showing a little too much, backed by companions Karlach and Wyll.

While it can be a little distracting to see Chad standing there in the background (or indeed foreground) of some of the game’s more intense moments with his champ on full display, we’re now most of the way through act two and it’s become one of those things you don’t really notice any more, because it’s become so normalized.

Unfortunately, with the arrival of Baldur’s Gate 3 patch 5 simply looking past it has become a lot more difficult, because the new physics are really quite enthusiastic and cause a lot of motion from actions as simple as just walking around. It’s impossible not to look now. The human eye is drawn to motion, after all. So thanks, Larian.

While I’m obviously not about to plaster the whole hog in front of your eyes, those of you with an aching curiosity to see what this looks like for yourself who are currently unable to boot up your own game can take a look courtesy of Twitter user ‘AstralAkua’ – just please note that the linked video is obviously and absolutely not safe for work.

Baldur's Gate 3 gets X-rated physics update in BG3 patch 5 - Chad, a human paladin, looks up in shock and horror.

If you’re looking to make some more functional changes to your game, we’ve rounded up the best Baldur’s Gate 3 mods to enhance your campaign even further, along with the best Baldur’s Gate 3 builds – and, yes, you will need to put on some armor to make them work. Or, if you’ve had your fill of the Larian DnD RPG, take a look through the best games like Baldur’s Gate 3 for some ideas of what to play next.

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