The next Vampire Survivors character can’t move and is a tree

As part of update 0.7.3, the next secret Vampire Survivors character makes like a tree, but doesn't leave. In fact, it's literally a tree, and can't move at all

The new Vampire Survivors secret character makes like a tree, but doesn't leave

The release of Vampire Survivors update 0.7.3 is imminent and various details about the survival game‘s next patch have started leaking out – including the new playable characters coming. One of these new Vampire Survivors characters is a top-hat-wearing gentleman who throws furniture, and the other is a tree. Literally, a tree.

The initial tease for the vampire game‘s new update was that we may actually get a vampire this time, but as usual with Vampire Survivors the reality is even crazier than we possibly could’ve hoped.

First up is the fantastically-named new character Sir Ambrojoe, whose starting power is the ability to drop furniture on people – which is represented by a Kinder egg, for some reason. This is fun enough, just watching pianos, tables, and wardrobes fall from the sides of the screen and smack enemies in the face, before we get on to the secret character, Peppino.

Here’s how you unlock Peppino in Vampire Survivors, and upon playing them you find that it is a tree. Possibly a quince tree, and the goal is to survive as this tree and not have your fruit eaten. Like the majority of trees, Peppino cannot move. Like, at all. How does this work in a game where the primary mechanic is moving? Peppino has an aura that kills most enemies and a high magnet to pick up gems.

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So, what do you, the player, actually do as Peppino? Well, er, the thing is… um… oh look, you can get Vampire Survivors on Game Pass, which is available for just $1 for your first three months? Gee, what a good deal!

Game Pass for PC Game Pass for PC Game Pass for PC Microsoft $9.99 $1 (first month) Subscribe Network N earns commission from qualifying purchases via Microsoft and other programs.

If you want more subtle distractions, you can check out PCGamesN’s guide to weapon evolution in Vampire Survivors. Now excuse me, I have to make like a tree and get out of here.